


My Reason To Go On

by SG_96



Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mentions of Death, Other, Trauma, Traveling, Will add more as I go, basically focusing on Rab and Jade's relationship, im really bad at tagging im sorry, solace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23570209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SG_96/pseuds/SG_96
Summary: After his kingdom is laid to ruins, Rab finds a reason to keep going in his new charge
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	My Reason To Go On

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: so my dumb ass first wrote the second part right... then I doubted myself and changed the location to Dundrasil. I will edit the story (again smh) when I get the chance to!!   
> Edit 2: I have patched it up i think LOL totally new second part for anyone coming back to this chapter. 
> 
> Sooooo basically, when I entered Act III and heard Rab say Jade was like a daughter to him, my brain stopped for a few seconds and was outraged that the game barely focused on their relationship. I would have loved to see more interactions between them, especially some geared more towards the type of familial bond they formed over the 16 years they were together. They were always close, but it was almost in a professional type of sense. You wouldn't know he practically had to raise her when you meet them lmao So I'm going to try and focus on the raising part of their relationship. In other words: the few times Rab mentioned how much of a pain Jade was as a kid lmfao
> 
> I'm sorry for butchering the characters in any way XD I've been trying to write fanfics for this fandom after 160 hours into the game (and no I have yet to finish act III. Almost though), but the characters have proven to be a bit of a challenge to flesh out in writing for me. Nevertheless I'll do my best! 
> 
> To be honest, i don't know how long this fic will be. I just know I want to do a series of short stories each chapter over specific events I make up or something. That being said, you're all welcome to suggest things you'd love to see!

His feet were numb as he practically dragged them across the muddy ground under the pouring rain. He didn’t want to believe this was happening. Monsters were everywhere and yet he could no longer reorient himself or care about any of it. They were gone, and being as old as he was, he didn’t know what was Yggdrasil’s reasons for keeping him alive.

He had hoped, prayed as he fought monster after monster within the castle, that his family had managed to get away and escaped to safety. But as soon as he made his way into the tunnels, he was horrified by what he had found: Irwin’s lifeless body. His son-in-law hadn’t made it and he had wept for he had grown fond of this righteous king who loved his daughter the way he had dreamt she deserved to be- wept for the baby that now didn’t have a father.

But he had no time to sit around and cry for he had to find his daughter and his grandchild to make sure they were alive wherever they were at. Once more he had prayed and begged Yggdrasil to spare what was now left of his family; begged for her to take him instead for he had lived a good life and his family was still too young. He begged and begged and begged some more as he ran down the path out of the tunnels, noticing footprints in the now mud path that were filled with water. He saw also that there were horse hooves imprinted in the mud and his blood had run cold. He followed them, whispering and begging Ygdrassil to please have mercy and not do this to him, but he just about collapsed when he saw her laying limp on the ground, no sign of life in her. No sign of the baby with her either. He had screamed then, uncaring whether he would attract the attention of beasts nearby. He wept as he swept his girl’s lifeless body in his arms and clung to her as tightly as he could, rocking to and fro in his soul crushing anguish- wept as memories of her as a baby and of those others through the years where she grew into the woman she had become- wept for his own flesh and blood that he held when she first drew breaths and to now when she no longer breathed.

Why was the World Tree so cruel? Why did she have to take his sweet Eleanor and Irwin? Did she take his grandson as well? Did she spare no mercy to even her own blessed child: the Luminary? He could do nothing more but damn everything and cry. He cried until he could no more and cursed until he was too tired to speak anymore.

And yet despite losing all his will to live, he was up and walking again after he had the courage to put her lifeless body on the ground. He didn’t know where he was going and didn’t know why. Find a monster and beg it to kill him, or take out his sorrow on it? Of this he did not quite know. All he knew was that he was tired and didn’t much care for whatever happened to him right then. His family was gone after all, what other reason was there for him to live? 

Fate was cruel to take a couple so young and leave an old widowed man alive. What he would have done to trade his life for his daughter, for Irwin and even his grandson. It wasn’t fair, but then again he always knew life had a sick sense of humor like this, why was he so surprised? Things never quite went how one wanted it to.

He only stopped when he realized he was at the edge of the river just in the outskirts of Dundrasil. All that carnage and destruction that surrounded him, and yet not a single monster went after him while he had blindly walked to the heavens knew where. As he stood there in front of the water, he could not stop staring at his reflection in the water- or at least how much he could see with the rain disrupting the surface of the water that is. He was wet, had mud just about everywhere, the blood from his family and even ichor from monsters he had to kill to get out of the castle.

“Och… What is it that ye want from me?” he whispered pitifully at his warped reflection, tears beginning to well up in his eyes once more. “Why did ye spare me?”

He watched as his reflection rippled and fizzled out more than it already was which drew his attention away from it to wonder what had disturbed the water so besides the rain. He was fully expecting a monster to be there and he was more than willing to accept such a fate if that were the case.

But there was no monster. Honestly he couldn’t see much with the smoke from the burning houses coupled with the rain, but somehow he managed to see something struggling in the water. He didn’t quite know why he was now jumping into the water before his brain could process what he was seeing. Once his brain caught up, he realized it was a child; he couldn’t tell who it was, but he knew they were struggling to not slip under. Truth be told in his old age he could barely fight off the currents himself, but he had to help this small child even if it killed him.

_‘No more’_ he had thought as he pushed through, nearing the body ever so slowly. He could now see the child was barely above the water now, gasping for air every chance they could. _‘I won’t let ye die here too!’_

He was relieved when he finally reached the child and pulled them towards him. The situation didn’t give him much chance to really get a good look at the child, but he didn’t care about who it was as he fought the current some more. He struggled even more now that he had to hold a child above the water along with himself, but he was dead set on at least doing this much before he gave up entirely.

What felt like an eternity later, he reached the other end of the bank and barely managed to pull himself out of the water, dragging the child along with him. Once on solid ground, he all but collapsed and tried to catch his breath while the child lay next to him. It took him a minute to notice the child still wasn’t moving and fear settled in his heart as he turned his attention on the child, wondering if he had failed once more.

“No…” the child whispered quietly, the small feminine voice quivering as sobs and coughs wracked the small body, telling him they were very much alive. “No, no, no…”

“Lassie?” Rab dared to whisper as he placed a gentle hand on the girl’s back, the gears on his head finally moving after recovering from the ordeal he went through. That dress she wore was not a civilian’s clothes, that much he could tell through the dirt, tears, and drenched fabric at least.

“I couldn’t hold on to him…!” she continued to cry, her cries turning into wails now.

He finally placed who it was he had just pulled out of the water and gasped. It was none other than Princess Jade. That meant King Carnelian hadn’t succeeded in finding her after they split up. But here she was, still alive at least and he didn’t see anything worse than a few scratches and bruises on her. His grief was only slightly placated at the thought that at least his good friend hadn’t lost his daughter as well.

Now that he was with company, he was concerned about monsters finding them again. He vowed to save her before he even knew who she was and he sure wasn’t about to back out now even if she had been some stranger to him. His hand started to gently pat at her back, moving to face her completely so he could get a better look at her for any other injuries he couldn’t see.

“It’s okay princess, yer’re okay,” he whispered, his hand trailing to her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. “We have to get moving. It’s nae safe here,” he said as he stood and tried to pull her to her feet. He could hear and see monsters all around, but they were much too occupied destroying homes and other structures to pay them any mind yet. He thanked the rain for muffling their sounds, for he was sure they would have been attacked by now. 

He was taken by surprise and brought back to the situation at hand when she suddenly smacked his arms away.

“No! I don’t want to go!”

“Ye will die here, princess, we have no choice,” he tried again gently but firmly this time.

“…Then let me…” she said so quietly and strained he could have easily missed it, but he hadn’t.

“What are ye saying, lassie?!” he chided, though a deep part of him called out his hypocrisy. “Ye have to get back to yer father- yer kingdom-“

“Lady Eleanor gave him to me and I couldn’t hold on…! I failed her and lost him!” she yelled, furiously glaring at him as if it he was supposed to know what had happened- as if he had caused all of this to happen.

“I- Calm down, princess… That’s no reason to be so harsh on yerself,” he tried to amend, reaching for her again, but she backed away.

“But he’s a baby! He can’t defend himself! It was up to me to save him- Eleanor trusted _me_ to save him- And! And I let go!” each word held more rage as she practically yelled at Rab.

It was then that her words finally registered in his head. Eleanor must’ve handed his grandson to Jade. Jade was talking about his grandson; that she had let him go when she had him. He wasn’t lying next to Eleanor because he had been with _Jade_ and not his mother. Even in her last moments Eleanor did everything she could to save her baby, and he now understood what Jade felt. She was trusted with the life of a baby, and she had failed to keep them safe.

“Where did ye let him go, Jade?” he asked quickly, desperately. His grandson might still be alive somewhere if he understood what Jade was saying.

“Where do you think?!” she snapped at him, ever quick with that little fierce tongue of hers. “I tried to reach for him- tried to find him in the water and I…!” she said before she began crying once more, sobbing more quietly now.

His hopes diminished slightly at the idea that his grandson may not have survived and may have instead drowned, but then again he could have survive and made it to a nearby bank… and gotten killed by a monster right afterwards. Or, _think positively here_ , by Yggdrasil’s grace, he had survived and was waiting for someone to pick him up somewhere.

“Princess, it’s alright,” he started knowing she felt responsible for his very possible death. “I donae blame ye… It’s not yer fault… This doesnae mean he’s gone for sure… He might be alive, lass.”

Jade’s crying settled a little then as she regarded Rab carefully, still sniffling and making a right mess of herself, but some of the anguish and anger in her gaze gave way to a little hope. The same hope that Rab was trying to cling on to as well.

“You think so…?” she hiccupped, slowly starting to stand on shaky feet.

“I danae, lassie… but I hope so,” he said with a sad smile as he held a hand out to her. “We won’t know until we find him, right?”

She stared at him for a minute longer before she nodded and took his hand, mumbling a very broken but quiet thank you once she had remembered to mind her manners. He did not say anything about how manners and formalities were out of the window in this situation as he started to quickly walk down the river and away from Dundrasil with Jade hoping that they could board a ship and escape the area. Maybe they could also spare a few minutes to search the riverbank for signs of his grandson as well. Maybe they would hear him crying somewhere nearby and all would be well…

But they never did find him which was as encouraging just as it was frustrating. They had eventually reached the shores of what was once Zwaardsrust and boarded the very first ship that had set sail off of the coast with any other Drasilian refugees. While they had no confirmation about his grandson’s death or if he even lived at all, Rab reminded himself and Jade that all they could do was hope that he was alive and safe somewhere; that Yggdrasil, despite having taken most of his family away, had spared her own child from a cruel fate. Dark times were coming, that much he could tell what with the fall of Zwaardrust and now Dundrasil as the only promises of what was to come. There was no way Yggdrasil would get rid of the Luminary she had blessed the world with right?

\----

Heliodor was unaffected by all that had happened just a few days prior in Dundrasil. The only difference was that there was talk of the disaster amongst the citizens. Many mourned and lamented over what had happened and others grew fearful of what these events may entail for the future. Rab understood the fears of the latter quite well for he too worried of what was coming.

His grandson had been born with the mark of the Luminary just as monsters grew in numbers, and tragically reduced his kingdom to mere rubble. The universe was preparing for a battle- perhaps another like the one told from the Age of Heroes- and he knew that his grandson was a key player in this battle. He was sure he wasn’t lost that night- that his grandson still lived somehow despite all that happened. Something in him told him to keep his faith in the legend of the Luminary and Yggdrasil, which was why he was currently in Heliodor.

Granted he was in Heliodor to reunite Jade with her father, but he was hoping he could ask King Carnelian for assistance in locating either the remains of or his very much alive grandson. With the king at his side, there was no place they could not search and they could search much faster and further in less time as well. Jade seemed keen on finding the Luminary and would probably help convince the king to help out in his quest. It may be a selfish request, but he was sure the world would need his grandson later just as much as he needed him now. He needed a reason to keep living, to keep fighting through the pain of the loss of his family.

“Lord Robert,” when he raised his eyebrows curiously at Jade, who was quietly beside him, she continued. “Will you be staying with us?”

“Nah, princess, but thank ye for the offer,” he responded solemnly as Jade frowned a little. “I couldnae impose on ye.”

Jade now turned to stare at him for a few minutes before nodding slowly. “Well you’re always welcome I’d say. Father will surely grant you a room in the castle I’m sure. You won’t be imposing on anybody.”

Rab smiled at Jade, thinking about how she’d offer assistance just as a true allied nation would in a time of need just as a true future Queen of Heliodor would. Seems her classes had taught her well thus far. His smile dropped as soon as they passed by some civilians that were busy in conversation on a bench by the fountain. Something about their conversation struck him more than any previous talk of the events at Dundrasil.

“I can’t believe the Luminary is actually the Darkspawn…” one said.

“To think they brought Dundrasil to ruins and killed the princess…” 

“Oh the princess! She was just too young…! What a vile monster that Darkspawn is…!”

“The king is right… The Darkspawn must be stopped before they go after Heliodor next and then all of Erdrea!”

Rab paused and turned to listen to the conversation fully, confused as to what was being said by these people. Jade had also paused and looked just as confused as he in that moment.

“Wait, what are ye saying?” Rab inquired, wanting to understand what he was hearing.

“Haven’t you heard? Everyone’s talking about it!” one of them exclaimed, before the other promptly explained.

“The king returned a few days ago after surviving the tragedy at Dundrasil. He said the reason why Dundrasil was attacked was because the Darkspawn, who he was lead to believe was the Luminary, had gone and ordered monsters to attack the city! And in all the chaos the princess’s life was taken as well… Such a shame.”

Jade had quietly gasped next to Rab and he himself could not believe what he had heard. He supposed the commoners have barely seen Jade out and about in town what with all the studying that she has to do at such a young age; not to mention Carnelian would have probably kept her in the castle most of the time for her own safety. The dangers for a young princess within the city were far too many. Why Jade didn’t speak up to deny the claims was a wonder to him, but he was grateful she was keeping a low profile regardless.

“What?” Rab ended up asking after his mind stopped reeling. “What is wrong with the king?! He’s but a babe! How could he have possibly-?” he stuttered, having zoned out in his outrage over the claims the king seems to have made. “I’m going to give Carnelian a piece of me mind for saying such shameful things-!”

“Sir? Is everything alright?” one of them asked, looking a bit concerned. “You’re from Dundrasil are you not? You’ve certainly got the accent…”

“I suppose he’s in shock…?” the other mumbled when Rab didn’t answer and their former companion turned to them for an answer. 

Rab came back to his senses when Jade suddenly gripped his sleeve and tugged on it hard. She was frowning once he turned to look at her, but then understood. Now was not the time to be sputtering these things out in the middle of the city. He sighed and motioned for her to follow him after telling the people that he was just a wandering merchant and nothing more.

“Could my father have said such things?” Jade asked once they had gotten to a more remote part of town, clearly upset over what she had heard.

After walking through the city and paying closer attention to what the people were talking about, Rab had concluded that this was indeed something the king had said. There was no way all of these people could have come up with the exact same claims with little to no discrepancies. It was odd though. What had happened to his old friend? Carnelian believed in the Luminary and had even tested Irwin in his own faith in his son, so why would he had changed his tune so suddenly? Perhaps he hadn’t changed his mind at all and maybe it was someone else disguised as the king? Or worse… the king could be under a spell.

He had paused once the thought hit him and he turned to look at Jade who was still waiting for him to respond to her earlier question. He sighed and rubbed at his moustache while he thought about how to break the idea to Jade.

“Aye he did,” he answered at last.

“But why would he say that?! Eleven could have never done such a thing!”

“I dunnae lassie… But I have a sneaking suspicion yer father may be under a spell…” he muttered, waiting to see if Jade would deny it, but she was listening intently to what he was saying. “Someone must be pulling the strings behind the scenes…”

Jade’s eyes widened a fraction over his statement, and he still expected her to argue with him, but he was mildly surprised when she never once did. What a strange child.

“And it’s possible that whoever is pulling the strings was the one responsible for bringing ruin to Dundrasil… and if that’s the case, I am going to put a stop to them for what they did to my people and my family. Mark my words…” he muttered quietly, his fist clenched tight as he tried to control his building rage.

If he could destroy whoever was doing this that would mean that King Carnelian would come to his senses once more and would stop spreading such lies about his grandson. He supposed it was knocking two birds with one stone and he would gladly take it.

“Lord Robert,” Jade called, earning his attention again. Her gaze was unnervingly steely for such a young child and it surprised him. “I want to go with you.”

“But princess-“

“ _I want to come_.”

“It‘s too dangerous…”

“And if my father is under a spell, isn’t it dangerous for me to stay here with him as well?” she deadpanned, narrowing her eyes at him. Why did Carnelian have such a spitfire for a daughter? Where did she even get it from? “He claims I’m dead. What will he do if he learns I’m alive?”

“I suppose ye got me there,” he started, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “But ye are too young and cannae fight-“

“Hendrik and Jasper have taught me a little and I can learn how to anyway. I’m going and you can’t stop me. I’m going to find whoever is doing this and save father no matter what.”

He sighed deeply as he regarded the stubborn and headstrong child before him. He definitely could not leave her here, that much he could agree on, but there was no place he could take her to without word getting back to King Carnelian about her whereabouts. Plus he was quite bothered of the fact that Jade had been half dead up until now since everything had gone down. Now she looked determined and set to do just as she had said and he couldn’t bring himself to tell her no. Is this how she would win King Carnelian over? He was always a stern but caring man, but when it came to Jade, he was almost putty in her hands… now he knew why.

“Fine,” he conceded, placing a hand on top of her head before turning her around gently towards the path down to downtown Heliodor so that they could get out through the back. “We’ll need to get going though, before someone recognizes ye.”

Jade didn’t say anything as she walked silently next to Rab once more. As he glanced down at her, he could see that she was fighting back tears that she refused to let go. He could understand her in a way. He too had to leave home and his family, except he _had_ to because there isn’t even a home to go to now, never mind a family. Jade still had a home and still had her friends and family in Heliodor, and she was turning her back on them. After everything that had gone down, he could only assume how much she would have liked to go back to her father and mourn in the comfort of his arms, but now she wouldn’t be able to.

It was then as he watched her walk, a few spaces ahead of him now, did he realize the reason why Yggdrasil let him live. While he wasn’t sure if his grandson, the Luminary, was still alive and possibly one of the reasons why he was still here, there was one thing at this very moment that he needed to do with certainty. It was his only true concrete reason to go on living. Someone that needed him right now rather than later, to help raise them, to help them grow, and most importantly to give them a new reason to smile again:

Jade.


End file.
